


Everything After

by wanderingalonelypath



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clary is dead, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Erchomai, Pre-Slash, major character death happened in the past, this is v sad, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 16:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15271689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingalonelypath/pseuds/wanderingalonelypath
Summary: Clary is dead, Simon is numb, and Jace is day drinking. Simon should've run away after the explosion, after he ripped out his own heart, after he saw the look in Jace's eyes when he told him Clary was dead, but he kept coming back.Back to Jace.





	Everything After

Maybe it was because he was all that was left of Clary.

Simon was still numb. Three months since the rooftop, three months since the explosion, three months since he murdered his best friend, and Simon was numb. He knew he wasn’t alive; his heart hadn’t beat for nearly a year and his blood ran cold. But ever since Clary died, he felt like he died with her. Again.

The rest of the shadow world carried on. Celebrated, even. He knew it was a good thing that Lilith was gone. Clary gave her life to ensure the Demon Queen was sent back to the corner of hell she came from. That was the narrative the Clave was spreading, at least. Clary Fairchild was a hero. There were talks of putting a statue up in Alicante.

But Simon couldn’t forget the look on Jace’s face.

When Simon realized he was the reason Clary was dead, the feeling was indescribable, and yet he saw it written on Jace’s face. In his eyes. In the curl of his mouth. Simon couldn’t bear to stick around and see that same expression on Alec’s face, and Luke’s, and Izzy’s, and Magnus’. He ran.

He had half-cocked thoughts about leaving the city, running...somewhere. He didn’t have to worry about his mom, and that was another wound he didn’t feel like poking. He could use a payphone to call Rebecca. He should’ve gone.

Instead, he found himself outside of Hunter’s Moon, peering through a dusty window at Jace, downing a shot of something that looked particularly vicious. For the past year, Clary and Jace had been so wrapped up in each other that he couldn’t think of them apart. But here Jace was, looking so unbearably alone that Simon couldn’t stop himself from walking in and taking a seat next to him.

“Thought you left”

His voice was rough, and Simon could tell without asking that he had been crying. He figured his voice would be the same way if he didn’t have supernatural healing. Simon flagged the new bartender (not Maia). Another wound. Simon was beginning to think he had way more of those than he should have.

“I wanted to.” No point in lying, even though Clary was the only who could tell whenever he did. A shot of plasma was placed in front of him, and Simon threw it back during the lull in the conversation. Jace was staring at him, eyes red-rimmed and glinting gold in the bar light. Simon knew he wasn’t going angelic. He would bet that Jace couldn’t find a reason to these days. Izzy told him Alec had taken him off active duty, hence why he found Jace day drinking.

“Why didn’t you?” Simon twirled his shot glass around his finger, smudging blood under his fingernail. He let the silence stretch. He knew he didn’t have an answer, not one that would make sense to Jace. How was Simon supposed to explain that Jace was a dying star, drawing him in closer and closer until he eventually exploded? How was he supposed to explain that when he was near Jace, it felt like Clary was still alive?

“Izzy wants me to start going to therapy.”

The comment was way out of left-field, but Simon supposed this whole conversation was, so he played along.

“Are you going to?”

Jace sighed, and it was something weighty and miserable. Simon could taste the bitterness of it, and he wondered if Jace felt as hollow as he did. “I don’t know”.That seemed to be the theme of the evening.

“You should consider it. It helped Izzy.” Simon said, because he couldn’t think of anything else. Jace hummed, toneless. The bartender refilled Simon’s glass, and he threw it back while glancing at the flatness of Jace’s gaze. He sucked in a breath, before putting his shot glass down with a bit more force than was necessary.

“Do you...want to come over to mine tonight? We could watch a movie, or tv or something….I think Jordan left some whiskey after he left on his praetory business. Of course, you don’t have to come, if you wanna be alone that's totally cool, I get it and everything, but after my dad died me and my mom went to this family therapist and he said that we shouldn’t be alone while we’re grieving and-”

“Simon.”

Jace’s voice when he cut him off wasn’t warm exactly but it was...getting there. Simon counted it as a win, giving him a little half smile in the dusky light. Jace drained his glass, swinging a leather jacket over his shoulder and looking at Simon expectantly. “Lead the way.”

Yeah, getting there.

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of sad/happy? A mess, honestly. Hope you enjoyed anyway.


End file.
